Did I in the least bit think this out in order to create such a beautiful alignment of time and events? Of course not. 6 days ago I was wearing a hamburger hat made out of fabric complete with lettuce, tomato, even a sesame seed bun. Do you think a person adorned with such a ludicrous accessory would ever have the forethought needed to strategize this situation? Doubtful.

However I do have the capacity to enjoy meat. Meat in the form of hamburger. I have the capacity to understand how incredible, delicious and primitively satisfying a hamburger can be. How the beef and the texture of it formed into a patty of perfect size with a juicy center and a perfectly light crisp on the outside of the patty can make you think “I don’t even f*ing need toppings cause this sh*t is so f*ng good”. How a subtle, perfectly melted cheese can make you feel comforted like a soft melty blanket. How the toppings, if chosen, of lettuce, tomato, onion, pickle or any other such contrasting texture can set off your mouth senses like a mother f*er. And how a bun, like a soft, toasted bready pillow can hold the dreams of the hamburger delicately in its grasp. I understand how all of these things can stimulate your senses to create an overwhelming glory and patriotism for your mouth and your country.

Did Mo’s “Royale With Cheese” give me this joyous feeling on this noble, reverent holiday? Sadly it did not.

The patty did not stand out. No satisfying texture. No identifiable stand-out flavor. No exceptional grilling. The cheese did it’s job fairly well but added nothing additional to the flavor spectrum as a whole. The toppings, including crispy pancetta, tempura fried dill pickle, sriracha-thousand island sauce were…. not bad. The pancetta didn’t show up too much on my taste buds. The pickle was actually quite nicely fried and had a good taste without being too overwhelming. Though the sauce tasted just like sriracha mixed with less than average thousand island dressing. Fine but nothing to write home about (yes I have written letters home to my mother about multiple exceptional sauces that I have come across). And the bun did nothing to excite my dreamlike fantasies of savouring an astounding feat of American culinary excellence.

Was it a bad hamburger? By no means. Would I say it was “tasty”? Perhaps. Do I believe that the fateful twist of the most American of foods being reviewed coinciding with one of the most American of holidays was fully realized with this experience? No.

Mo’s, while you knew little of the events that were actually transpiring, you’ve unfortunately let down (though only mildly) this American hamburger eater for now.

I forgive you and will not hold it against you if I ever choose to venture to Burbank again (yeah right).

Additional Comments:

“Boo I was just last to be served.  They got my and Haley’s well done / medium rare confused.  Cold Cheese.” -Pappani

“Had to send back burger for the first time.  Felt super weird about it but the meat was over cooked and joyless.  The replacement was cooked properly but still lacking in flavor.” -M. Montiel 

“Had to take the top half of the bun off, then the portion was right and more delicious.  Would have been a lower rating on overall taste.” -K. McIlvaine

“I got the Royale w/ Cheese.  The pancetta & fried pickels were very good but the sriracha aioli sauce was underwhelming.  The meat was cooked unevenly, and over cooked.  I asked for medium rare and it was closer to medium well.” -B. Mandel

“Burger construction was not up to par.  I’d much rather have a little of all the ingredients and have the burger manageable than to have a ginormous meal that falls apart as you eat.  Good options though to make the burg!” – V. Villanueva 

“Holy Food Coma, this be one heavy burger” -Restivo

“This room is soooo loud.  Staff was amendable, although they seemed overwhelmed.  I ordered bourbon straight and got a bourbon and water.  Party fuckin foul.  Burger, overall was tasty but too much.” – Binks

“I’ve been to Mo‘s numerous times and they used to have the Zo Burger.  I’m disappointed in the lack of options.  This is america, I want excess!” -R. Gaines

“Soggy Bun / Great Pickles” – A. Reichman

“Overall the burger was good but the bun was way too soggy.” – C. Marzo

“I don’t like pickles but their tempura pickles are fucked up good.  The burger was kind of dry…” -G. McElver

“The server took way too long to start taking orders.  When the burger arrived, it was over-and under evenly cooked and very dry.  The pancetta and fried pickles were the best part. The curly fries were just above average.” -M. Sherwood

“I feel the portions are a slightly too much.  Finish a meal, with a beer of a whiskey and you get my desert too!  I Love the atmosphere.” -L. Hester

“Why is there a fountain? Sriracha sauce non-existent fried pickles good but don’t call em tempura!” -Kochi S.

“Who is Cheapshot?” -R. Hanifl

Out of 40 total BEU members in attendance, here’s how Mo‘s  fared:

Appearance: 7.16
Patty: 6.32
Taste: 6.81
Creativity: 6.83
Bun: 6.16
Toppings: 7.4
Price: 6.21
Service: 6.86

Who would win in a fight?
Frogan– 20
Kimye – 17