April 25, 2017 – the day when Hipsters, Millenials, Freaks, Geeks, Bros and Beef-eaters journeyed to the Valley for Burger-chella.
As I made my way to The Federal that windy evening I wondered to myself “what burger would I choose?” “Should I have wine or beer?” “Is my outfit cool enough?” “Will the Federasaurus make an appearance?” and “will there be spicy pie?”
Unfortunately, there was no Spicy Pie, but there was a spicy burger – OMH (oh my habanero) – I was very excited to check this burger out and see just how spicy it was. As I took my first bite I immediately felt the kick. Then as I ate more, things really started to heat up. It reminded me of that moment when I had a mini-heatstroke from baking in the sun while watching Local Natives at the main stage. I enjoyed the burger but I didn’t love it. That seemed to be the main consensus with the rest of the crowd on their burger choices as well.
While everyone noshed on the opening act burgers, a few of us were anxiously anticipating the headliner, Federasaurus Burger. It was rumored to be 3 lbs and could feed 4 people but took about an hour to prepare. So, I ordered myself another Pinot Noir and waited for this monstrosity. Then it finally arrived. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was bigger than my head! It looked so extravagant on its silver platter surrounded by garlic fries. It was massive, and surely could feed a small village, not just 4 people. But now the moment of truth…how does it taste? Rebecca grabbed a knife and started carving away like it was a child’s birthday cake. Most of us were full and satiated from our initial burgers, but we couldn’t resist getting a taste of this meaty monster. It was overly seasoned and slightly overcooked. But what it lacked in taste it made up for in appearance. I guess you could say it was the “Sahara Tent” of burgers…big and flashy with a whole lotta meat inside that tastes better if you’re high.
Overall – it was a good Burger-chella. The acts weren’t top notch, but good times were had. I’ll give it another shot next time because well…FOMO and YOLO but also YALA.
Out of 57 people in attendance, here’s how Federal Bar fared:
“DAMN.” beat “Untitled. Unmastered.” in the “Who would win in a fight?” category.
Paul Rocha: I got the OMH, at first it didn’t taste very spicy but then it got HAWT!! However, I ordered it medium rare and it wasn’t. #womp!
Cory Shackelford: Can we get softer TP in the men’s room.
Travis Williams: The OMG burger was pretty damn hot, well played…
Manny Montiel: Why all the garlic hmmmm?!?!
Koichi: Chicken burger, great moisture.
Tina C.: OMGahhh my burger’s patty was 50% garlic. There’s not enough water here to make the taste go away.
Alison Dannenberg: Mediocre burger, great company.
Danielle Mignogna: My first BEU! Thank you for letting me in the cool gang! Can’t wait for the next!
Sherwood: Burger was about 60% bun and 0% good.
Russell Nygaard: Gimme spicy or gimme spicy or gimme spicy or gimme spicy or…
Alex Valenti: Jalapenos in the burger meat was a solid touch! Also liked that fries came with the meal!
Jill Pedone: There needs to be a french fry category.
Dasmarie: A for effort, C for taste. Sorry! Why is there not a french fry category??
Leigh Pedone: Let’s talk about fries, as they’re a major part of the burger experience! Maybe even honorable mention for some dank dipping sauces.
Susan Hargrove: We need a french fry category!
Brayden: Hey french fry conspirators, I hear ya loud & clear! We will confer!
Anna Schulze: I have to come clean. I got a veggie burger with a gluten free bun. Feel free to discard my ballot.
Mike Kunzweiler: Two things: 1. When the bun is the best part of the burger, there is a problem… 2. Vampires beware, garlic ahead!
Dana Wilentz: Patty was on the salty side and garlic was a little overpowering, bt appreciated the creativity of toppings and perfect cook on the burger.
Dan Macken: A burger only a chap from Gilroy would enjoy.
Casey Newlin: Burger was good but holy shit, garlic and salt!
Talia Rubino: I love the Federal for dating app meet-ups and Monday night trivia but the burger was just ok, and not as good as the salmon kale salad. I will be back but not for a burger.
Natasha Albert: A much needed decompression from my intense FOMO. But now my innter flower child can set the flower crown do2wn and appreciate the above average veggie burger.
binks: Great service/attention for our group but the patty was overcooked and had no flavor, other than pure salt and garlic. The Fedasaurus was a photo op, but equally as medium-recieved. Womp, womp.
Ryan Carroll: Solid burger but too spicy for me.
Andrew Scarborough: Nice hat.
Jess Ruoti: Burgersaurus was thick and dense and very peppery. An intimidating amount of meat.
Jamin: Meat was pretty bland…
Ryan E: “Didn’t know I could cry until I had the OMH.”
Hunter: Very good ensemble, sophisticated palate, could use a little less garlic. Big flavor.