A review by Mr. E:

Tonight’s the night, where in plain sight I wait with eager eyes

To try this famous burger while I wear a great disguise.

The line was long, I must confess, the wait was even longer

But every passing minute only made my hunger stronger.

I reached the front and ordered just a simple burg and fries

And I could tell (based on the smell) I was in for a surprise!

I chatted and I twittered and I gave Trixie a pet

My meal came out before I had even time to break a sweat.

I took a bite and tried to stifle it as best I could

But let it slip that “Holy shit this burger’s fucking good!!”

The cheese was melty, patty crispy, ketchup mellow-sweet

Almost Halloween but zero tricks – this one’s a treat!

The only thing regretful is my own forgetful blunder –

I ordered just one burger when I should’ve got another.

So this, my friends, the verdict from a reviewer in disguise:

Get your ass posthaste to try Burgers Never Say Die!

Out of 35 people in attendance, here’s how Burgers Never Say Die fared:

Appearance: 8.1579

Patty: 9.1052

Taste: 9.2631

Fries/Sides: 7.6842

Bun: 8.1579

Toppings: 7.8947

Value/Price: 7.8947

Service: 8.1052

TOTAL: 8.2828

And Heath Ledger’s Joker beat out Joaquin Phoenix’s Joker in the “Who would win in a fight?” category.

Additional Comments:

Pat Buchanan: Dude. This burger. It was greasy, salty perfection. I hereby name it “Char Char Binks”.

Dan Koplowitz: This burger was thinner than my wallet and saltier than a Dodgers fan after missing the World Series. I loved it.

Mara Kuge: This was a seriously good, well caramelized burger, reminiscent of a Quarter Pounder with cheese.

Tina: My experience started with a bit of disappointment because the employee told me it would be a 35 minute wait but you know what, the wait was kinda worth it. The best part was the crispy edge juicy patty. The bun was excellent too. Excellence. I would skip the fries though.

Jon Hafter: Reminded me of burgers I got at daycamp…appropriately crispy and flat, tasty cheese and bun all worked together. A little salty, but added up well!

Paul Rocha: A-mazing! THE best BEU burger I’ve had! 5 stars!

Julia Moreira: Long wait but such nice peeps!

Casey N.: My fave BEU burger yet!

Brayden: Yeah, same. I’ve been doing this for 4 years and this is probably my favorite burger in LA. Every element in harmony. A choir of perfection. Sing to me.

Jon Bower: A glorified McDonald’s burger in the best way. Simple and tasty!

Jane: Excellently cooked patties!

Luke Phillips: Too much salt.

Jordan Young: It was spooky how good it was! Left a haunting taste in my mouth. …could’ve used some lettuce though.

Brian V.: So yah, this joint was pretty darn amazing.

Keith Armstrong: This is like McDonald’s in it’s final form. High quality wrapped around nostalgia. Price is steep but I’ll do it again.

Koichi Sanchez: But do I get a shake tho???

Sherwood: It really is a great burger, but it doesn’t live up to the hype. I lost all the beef flavor in the mix of the other flavors, which were still excellent.

Jamin: Smash dat burga!